LATE NEWS [from Private Eye]
GAZA OFFENSIVE LATEST
LAST night Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu revealed his new offensive plans.
He told reporters, "These plans are more offensive than any of our other offensive plans. They literally are the most offensive plans I can think of. And trust me I've been doing a lot of thinking.
"They include forcing all Palestinians out of Gaza, weaponising aid up to and including starvation and, of course, making sure the hostages all get killed, whilst pretending to care very deeply so the relatives don't kick up too much of a stink."
He continued, "But the most offensive thing about my offensive plans is that with any luck now that it's all kicking off in India and Pakistan, and it still appears to be going on in Ukraine, hopefully nobody will notice and I'll stay in power and won't have to go to prison."
He added, "Of course, anyone in Israel who disagrees with me is entirely free to be sacked."