briantrumpet
Squire
I'm lucky in that I dislike the experience (waiter: "still or sparkling, sir" me: "tap is just fine" waiter: scowl) and am very happy with many cuisines from around the world that also happen to be much cheaper and come without the charade. I've even eaten in places that don't have alcohol which is unthinkable to many.
I think you might have a USP for a restaurant there: the waiters don't speak, but do everything in charades/mime. The question about still/sparkling/tap water would be an easy one to master. You could reply like Marcel Marceau in Silent Movie.