Yes, narcissists very frequently portray themselves as victims. This behavior, often called a
victim mentality, is a core manipulation tactic used to gain sympathy, deflect blame, and maintain a sense of moral superiority.
While both overt and covert narcissists use this tactic, it is the defining characteristic of
covert (vulnerable) narcissism.
Why Narcissists Play the Victim
- Avoiding Accountability: By casting themselves as the injured party, they shift responsibility for their own harmful actions onto others.
- Gaining "Supply": Victimhood acts as a magnet for attention, pity, and validation (narcissistic supply) from empathetic people who want to "rescue" them.
- Controlling the Narrative: It allows them to paint others as aggressors, effectively silencing those who try to hold them accountable.
- Justifying Abuse: If they believe they are being mistreated, they feel "entitled" to lash out or punish others as a form of perceived self-defence.
Common Victimhood Tactics
- "Woe Is Me" Stories: Sharing one-sided, vague stories of past mistreatment by "crazy" ex-partners or ungrateful family members to elicit immediate sympathy.
- Weaponizing Trauma: Bringing up past hardships specifically when they are being confronted about current bad behavior to shut down the conversation.
- Reactive Abuse: Intentionally goading someone into an angry outburst, then using that reaction as "proof" that they are the one being abused.
- The "Unappreciated Hero": Claiming that despite their "limitless" sacrifices, no one truly understands or appreciates them.
Do They Believe Their Own Narrative?
Psychologists note that many narcissists actually
believe they are victims. Because they lack empathy and have a fragile ego, any boundary or criticism is perceived as a personal attack. Their "alloplastic" defence mechanism causes them to automatically project their own faults onto others to protect their internal sense of being "perfect".
If you are dealing with someone who consistently plays the victim to avoid responsibility, you might find the Grey Rock Method or Setting Firm Boundaries helpful in protecting your own mental well-being.